In An Instant

by East

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1.
Too Fast 03:14
Everything’s a blur / I am dizzy / I am sick / My lungs are pumping too much air / My heart beats too fast / It’s irrational I know but I can’t fucking help it / When the panic grips my bones / Watch me running for the exit / Slow down / It’s all in my head
2.
Love 03:49
What are you gonna do with all the love you’re given / What are you gonna do with all the love you got / There are people who love you / People who care if you come home at night and where you’re at / They want you to get better / They want you to be well / They want you to know there’s a place to go at the end of the day
3.
Shoreline 03:20
Is the distance I keep keeping me sane or does it keep me from dealing with my shit / sometimes a pinky swear between my father and me is all I need to get back on my feet / I’m trying to figure out how far I can sail before my orientation fails and I lose sight of the shoreline / Feels like I became a fucking monument / Immovable and cold when all I need is to be in motion / I am fighting my fears with a smiling face / With my joker like grin I’ll scare them away / I am fighting my fears
4.
Chalkwhite 03:18
Your face in disbelief / Our eyes meet briefly until yours close and you pass out / I am holding a new life / He needs you more than me / The doctors come running and we get forced to leave / Never saw anyone get paler / You’re chalkwhite / Lips in dark blue / You bang your head against the cushion / I picture our lifes without you / Your head lays still in the cushion / I can’t picture our lifes without you
5.
Push & Pull 05:30
You pushed me when I stumbled just to watch me fall / When I tried to get up you kicked me back down / I made friends with the dirt and got comfy on the ground but when I was settled you pulled me back up / You’re a flaw in my design / You won’t let me catch my breath / Though I know you’re only in my mind I can’t get you out of there / There is no escaping you / You pushed me when I stumbled just to watch me fall and when I tried to get up you pushed me back down / There is no escaping you / You pull me back up / You push me back down
6.
East 04:07
7.
Your smile through all the smoke / I was about to head out / You were my last clear thought / I stumbled and I stuttered til I got close enough to let my lips fall on to yours / My knees were so weak / My hands so shaky / I don’t know how I did it but I woke up next to you / All I know is I can’t go home without you / All I know is I’ll never be home without you / I’ve got my records on a shelf / I’ve got my bags under the bed in which I finally find some sleep / It was not what I expected / Especially not that fast / I’m not scared of staying anymore / My knees were so weak / My hands so shaky / I don’t know how I did it but I woke up next to you / Your smile through all the smoke / I was about to head out / You were my last clear thought / You won me over in an instant / Now all I want is to be for you what you became for me
8.
Glue 03:23
I’ve got a troubled mind / Can’t figure out a way to solve this mess at all / I’m badly wired / I know the science / Neural pathways and synapses are not physiologically static / So there’s got to be a way to learn from my past mistakes but everytime I try to focus it feels like I’m looking through translucent glass
9.
Money 02:08
I pretend not to care about money but I need it / It’s like debts are piling up all around me / Growing taller than I could ever climb / All these letters I don’t read and the knocking on my door / I don’t open it to anyone anymore / My friends stopped calling / I was never picking up / I was too afraid they’d call my bluff / I’ve got the problems of a grown up but the mind of a child / Seems like I need help / I keep making the same mistakes over and over again / Everyone gather ‘round / Watch me press repeat / The future scares me shitless / My past won’t let me go
10.
My Privilege 03:31
Like most boys I grew up always taking more space than the girls around me / I was constantly made to believe that I was entitled to it / It’s crazy that it took me so long to call bullshit / Society and even this scene are still dominated by white man like me / There’s a flaw in the system / I want to break the pattern of my white male privilege but I am part of the problem / I’m always part of the problem / I am the problem but I’m trying to be aware and make room until there’s enough for everyone / Until this is a safe space for all of us I’ll make room

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released January 24, 2020

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